Confessions of a Bookaholic or How to Understand Them

After seeing these on another blog, I just had to share them with ya'll. Basically all these "confessions" are exactly how I am... I couldn't believe how well they hit the nail on the head! :) Not that I'm really confessing anything, cause I'm not sorry I'm a bookworm in the very least! :)

This is usually the case... which is great!

Exactly. That's what books are for anyway. :)

And because I don't want those stories to end, I think up continuing stories!

Yeah... of course, otherwise that's sacrilege!

Well, yes, but since I'm a visual person, then I want to think it up as a movie. :)

 

Yep - and then I get asked by family member(s), "what's so funny?" 

Well... this is one of those that is not completely true for me. Only sort of.

Nothin' better!

Ain't that the truth... plus I have a huge list of other fun things to do.

Yes, but not in my bed.

I've not done it that late, but I have done it.

Depends on the book...

Not every detail necessarily, for me.

 

I just don't have the money to replace it! Minor details...

Usually. Unless the books are ones like Fordythe's Sermons (think Mr. Collins from P&P) or some commentary by some reformer.

Now that I think about it, yep...

It's about time! :)

I won't die literally... just figuratively.

Not at four in the morning.

No, not really. It's just makes it a little inconvenient.

My relatives don't do that, but if I did get one I'd probably use it.

Didn't I already comment on something similar to this? Like the one above?!

Sounds a little hazardous to your health... but I can do it, if I want to.

 

Why leave it at home, may I ask?!

That is just... argh!

Amen!

Erm, yeah. Okay, next confession.

 

I'm drooling...

You better believe it! 

 

Nothing irritates me more than when they ruin a good book with a lousy movie "based" on the book. That's just laziness on their part.

Get to know them like the back of your hand would sum that up perfectly.

To some degree.

No, I go "What'd you do that for? I coulda seen that coming a mile off!"

If I hear them - and if I do, I'll realize I'm being talked to (but may not hear their question) and say "What did you say?"

Not that much.

So - can anyone else relate?

That Poor Nun...

I got this in an email, and I don't know if this is true that this came from a Catholic Elementary School Test, but it's funny none the less... :)

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Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! 

PAY  SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW  THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL  TEST.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED   OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATHOFF.
2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE . NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. 
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR  OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A    BALL OF FIRE DURING THE  NIGHT. 
4. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO  LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.  
5. SAMSON SLAYED THE  PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE    APOSTLES.  
6. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO  THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE 
UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS  BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
7. THE  EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT, AFTERWARDS,  MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE  TEN COMMANDMENTS 
8. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. 

9. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. 
10. MOSES DIED  BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS  IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
11.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS  SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
12. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

13. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID S  SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 
PORCUPINES.  
 14. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE  MAGNA CARTA. 
15. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. 
16.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. 
17. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. 

18.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN  DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
19. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN  JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE   OFF THE ENTRANCE. 
20. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE  LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
21. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
22. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
23.  ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO  CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER  NAME FOR MARRAIGE. 
      24. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE  SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED 
MONOTONY.

Kids and Their Funny Phrases

So, for those of you who either have lots of siblings, or are around lots of little kiddos, I'm sure you've heard at least a few of their funny and random phrases.

Like with one of my little sisters who LOVES to hoard pennies... She came in the the living room and announced...

Naturally we couldn't help but laugh, so she then informed us that "it's not funny!"

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Then, the other day, another sister was doing a dissection of a cow's eyeball for her science. All the kids were gathered around making the usual comments of "Eew!", "Yucky!", and "Oh, that is gross!" when another little sister says out of the blue:

Now, remember, this was a cow's eye. So amid the peals of laughter, we explained that the cow was dead. She said "Oh. Okay" I guess she just wanted to make sure that there wasn't a one eyed cow wandering around the planet some where looking for it's eye...

And don't worry, I hope to do more of "Kids and Their Funny Phrases" posts anytime one of my darling, cute siblings supplies me with a quote. :)

How Confused Our Federal Government REALLY Is!

Here is a little political story I was emailed that I decided to share... hope it gives you some laughs. :)
  

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.

"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, my Queen?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice president the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one..." He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ended up in the men's room and recognized Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Biden asked Powell, "Colin, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Colin Powell yelled back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.

It's Colin Powell!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Who Is On First?

Has anyone heard of Abbot and Costello?  I'm sure some of you have.  Well, tonight I was showing my aunt their "Who's on First?" classic routine, and just had to post this up... so for those of you who haven't seen it, and for those of you have seen it, but want to watch it again, here they are without further ado! :)

The Pot is Calling the Kettle Black...

BP... *sigh*  What else can they do to make themselves look ridiculous?

(Picture courtesy of Patriot Humor)

The Perfect Bumper Sticker

No, I don't have a car, but if I did I would want to put this on the back....

(Courtesy of The Patriot Shop)